Blog Archives

Let's Thrive - Day 10 - "Thrive Together"

3/20/2015

    It's amazing how much easier things are in life when you face them with other people who care about you and support you. Sometimes that means sharing tears together. Sometimes it's all about multiple people problem solving together for a solution to a challenge. Sometimes it can be as simple as sharing joyful moments with others and helping us to feel happy that day. Today was one of those joyful days because we spent time together. Right now our family is small with only one daughter at home while our son is in Mexico serving an LDS mission. However, we had the pleasure of watching two of our friends' children for a couple of days, and it reminded us how much fun we can have together. We worked on the garden, had airsoft wars, played games, snapped each other in kitchen towel fights, popped popcorn, and ate chocolate cake. I think the statement "The family that plays together, stays together" is pretty accurate. The Family: A Proclamation to the World in 1995 put it this way. "Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities." Today was definitely one of those days in which we participated in "wholesome recreational activities".
    The beautiful aspect about thriving together is that when one person may be feeling a little down or grumpy, others in the family may be able to cheer that person up and soon all are thriving together. "You life me and I"ll lift thee, and we'll ascend together."
    While on this topic of thriving together, let me take just a moment to express our gratitude for our family members and friends who have offered incredible support and love to us over the almost 17 years since Laurent's accident. Without them, this journey would have been much darker, lonelier, and definitely more discouraging than it has been. If I were to name every act of kindness or every encouraging comment, this post would go on for pages and pages. Even then, I would risk missing someone and something important. Each and every single one of them have lightened our load and lifted our souls. Throughout the years, they have woven a web of interconnecting actions and relationships that never leave us completely alone, and that is a tender mercy. In my opinion then, whichever side of the coin we're on today, we can connect with someone else and help all involved to thrive. If today is your day to be up and filled with optimism or strength, reach out to someone whose tank is just a little low and fill it up. If, however, you are feeling a little discouraged and weary, again reach out to others and let them lift you up. In either case, we need not live in an isolated little bubble, but instead can reach out our hands, clasp them in friendship and love, and thrive together.

Let's Thrive - Day 9 "The Key To Not Feeling Brain Injured"

3/20/2015

    In 2011, Laurent had the opportunity to sing with Michael Ballam at the Brain Injury Alliance of Utah's Families and Professionals Conference as the focus of the keynote was on the healing power of music. For Laurent, it was an incredible experience. Interestingly, though, when the story came out in the newspaper, some people began to contact him where he works at Day Murray Music. One woman spoke to him to tell him about her son, who had recently been in a motorcycle accident as well and was currently in the hospital with a brain injury. In talking about the experience later that night, Laurent and I decided to go visit the young man in the hospital.
    On our way up to Intermountain Medical Center, Laurent happened to mention how tired he was of being brain injured. It was completely understandable, as it had been 13 years of dealing with memory issues, speech problems, challenges with problem solving and thinking, fatigue, as well as the medications to prevent seizures. We talked about it for a little bit and agreed that sometimes, one just feels tired of chronic conditions like this.
    However, once we went inside the hospital, he forgot about his own problems as he began to meet with the family, visit, and even sing with them. They were so surprised we had stopped in, but it was such a lovely evening spending time with them. On our way back out to the car, Laurent turned to me and remarked, "That is the key to be feeling brain injured" and flashed his famously big smile. Though his own brain injury had not gone away, his focus on his own problems had temporary faded away. Instead, by helping someone else, he felt rejuvenated and ready to continue on. There is a saying that points out " When you dig another out of their troubles, you find a place to bury your own. " The joy we feel when we serve is definitely one aspect of thriving. Since that time, Laurent has had many additional opportunities to serve and they continue to buoy him up and help him feel a purpose in life.
    Incidentally, this post is late for yesterday, because we were both feeling the joy of service. Laurent attended the Mormon Tabernacle Choir weekly rehearsal, and I play for the Riverton Jazz Band, which is a volunteer organization bringing the strains of Big Band Music to the community. We also had the opportunity to spend time with friends, which also contributes to our quality of life.
    So Day 9's challenge is ˜"Let me do all the good I can, to all the people I can, as often as I can, for I shall not pass this way again." ˜~ John Wesley

Let's Thrive! - Day 8- "Thrive on Hope"

3/18/2015

A friend of mine recently told me about a concept called "Drops of Awesome". In her blog, Kathryn Thompson brilliantly illustrated the powerful process of celebrating the moments in our day when we are "awesome". Too often when we do something right, we belittle ourselves or call ourselves hypocrites for the other moments when we weren't quite so awesome instead of simply recognizing the good choice for what it was. I loved the examples she gave of the powerful process of recognizing our own self-talk and becoming aware of our own thoughts in order to learn to celebrate the small victories for what they are- victories. As I read her article, I was filled with hope. I was uplifted knowing I could rejoice in what I was doing well and work on those things I still needed to improve without discouragement or despair like the sentiments conveyed in this sign I found in a store while traveling through Wyoming last month. It read, "Due to the current workload, the light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off." How grateful I am that the Light at the end of the tunnel is never extinguished. He is always there and is encouraging me to have hope each and every day.
Vaughn E. Worthen, in an article called "The Healing Balm of Hope" shared a variety of strategies for cultivating hope in our lives. One of them he said, was "Rejoice in life’s small victories. Hope emerges and is sustained when we regularly discover reasons for it. Capitalize on the small victories that unfold daily, such as completing assignments, submitting job applications, reading your scriptures, or exercising for a few minutes each day." He challenges us to "Try to notice and celebrate at least two of these victories each day." In the past I've been working on writing in my family members' gratitude journals to celebrate their victories and positive acts. Why not write in my own journal about two of such victories per day? I don't think it will breed egoism or false pride. On the contrary, I think I will begin to see where that hope lies and in Whom. Recognizing one's victories in the day will also bring gratitude for the tender mercies experienced. Today I am grateful I had a productive day at work finishing a particular project that I've been working on for weeks, and I am grateful that I planned a meal for today and actually cooked it! Both were drops of awesome in my bucket and helped me thrive with hope!

Recently while traveling in Wyoming, I saw this sign in a store. Fortunately, we still have hope and still have the Light at the end of our tunnels.

Let's Thrive - Day 7 - "Thriving Geometry"

3/17/2015

Today I was listening to a Christian radio station on my way home from work. A man had evidently called in and had asked the radio host to pray for him. I had missed the reason why, but heard the host's reply as he volunteered to pray for him right then. During the prayer, a phrase struck with such force that instantly ideas began to flow. He had asked that our will be intersected with God's will. I had heard of aligning our will with God's before, but this new phrase caused me to think. I turned off the radio and began to ponder the geometry of thriving.

Intersecting Lines
    Intersecting lines meet at one point. When I heard the man pray that our will intersect with God's, I thought "Intersecting is good." But then I began to think about the kinds of lines and intersections that could be drawn out of this analogy. If God's will is a straight line leading back to him, my question would be how many times do we intersect our will with His? Are we like the intersecting lines in the diagram above that only meet once as we walk through God's path and then continue on in another direction? Perhaps we were close to him at one time, but even a minor course change eventually sent us off in a direction gradually pulling away from God.
    Are we like a wave that intersects with God many times, but in between wanders off in search of something else? The distance off-course and the time in between intersections all affect our happiness and ability to thrive.

Parallel Lines
    The interesting thing about parallel lines is that they never meet. They can be far apart or very close, but they never meet. As I thought about running parallel to God's will, I realized there are times when I want to come close to doing what He wants, but I'm just too stubborn to fully commit. Perhaps I have a favorite sin that I'm just not willing to give up yet and so it keeps me from fully enjoying the happiness of being on God's path. It's like listening to a radio station with my radio adjusted to within a few degrees of the correct station, but not quite taking the last step to be in tune to the exact frequency. We may hear some of the music or speaking, but it's distorted, crackly, and difficult to understand. True enjoyment comes when we're completely in tune and have eliminated any static or interference. Neal A. Maxwell said, "Only by aligning our wills with God’s is full happiness to be found." (October 1995)

Alignment
So how do we bring our self into alignment so we can experience the true joy and happiness of a life in tune? Every day we make hundreds of choices. Some of those may be good and some not so good. Improvement comes as each day we try to make more good choices and correct the course of our bad ones. If yesterday I did not meaningful pray, today I can choose to pray sincerely and with real purpose. If yesterday I did not speak so kindly to my children, today I can work on showing more patience and kindness. If yesterday I didn't use my time wisely and ended up wasting much of it away, today I can refocus and make decisions based on better priorities. David A. Bednar said, "Line upon line and precept upon precept, gradually and almost imperceptibly, our motives, our thoughts, our words, and our deeds become aligned with the will of God."

Thriving Geometry
How does all of this apply to thriving? In my experience, the days that I am most invigorated and truly feel alive, are the days that I am doing God's will. When Laurent and I sing to someone in a hospital, when I listen to someone who is having a bad day and needs a compassionate friend, when I'm worshiping in the temple, when I'm creating music, or when I'm spending quality time with my family, these are the moments when I'm happiest and feel I'm on the right course. I think the question I'll ask myself in the mirror tomorrow morning is "What kind of line will I be today?"

Let's Thrive! - Day 6 - "Know When to Rest"

3/16/2015

    After yesterday's downward slip, I concentrated a great deal on thinking uphill thoughts. I listened to uplifting music while getting ready this morning, and then I listened to a General Conference talk on my drive in to work. The interesting thing was that I randomly picked a talk on my phone to listen to on the commute. It turned out to be Elder Jeffrey R. Holland's October 2013 talk "Like a Broken Vessel".   I assure you that was no coincidence and I'm grateful for the tender mercy.
    So many phrases and thoughts popped out at me, inspiring me, comforting me, and teaching me. However, I am choosing to focus on just one tonight and then will try to practice the concept. He counseled, "watch for the stress indicators in yourself and in others you may be able to help. As with your automobile, be alert to rising temperatures, excessive speed, or a tank low on fuel. When you face “depletion depression,” make the requisite adjustments. Fatigue is the common enemy of us all—so slow down, rest up, replenish, and refill. Physicians promise us that if we do not take time to be well, we most assuredly will take time later on to be ill."
   Recently I have been up far too late working on various projects and the fatigue is catching up to me. I know I felt it yesterday with my lack of patience and discouragement. So, tonight I am going to keep this short, recommend you read his talk, and then I'm going to go to bed so I can refill my tank keep my engine temperatures lower and my pistons running more smoothly. I believe he has given us wise counsel to help us thrive. He said take time to be well, or we'll have to take time to be ill. I would also add, take time to thrive so you can do more than just survive. Good night, everyone!

Let's Thrive - Day 5 -Think Uphill Thoughts

3/15/2015

When I started this 30 day focus on thriving, I knew one of my challenges would be maintaining a positive attitude when life's little pressures started building. Today was a reminder that doing so would require effort and focus. Fortunately, nothing earth crumbling happened today. We didn't experience an emotional landslide or earthquake. It was more a matter of not letting myself slide down the slope of negativism and fall into the pits of criticism. I was reminded that to climb uphill and try to become a better person, I would need to exercise positive thoughts and change the destructive thoughts into constructive ones.
With brain injuries, a common challenge is organization. Though we have a common family calendar on our phones, the difficulty is in getting everyone to enter the event on the calendar. I'm sure this is not unique to just families with brain injuries, but it does seem to be exacerbated by the condition. While dealing with one of these events that popped up in our day without the appropriate calendar event popping up on our phone, I found my footing slipping on the rocky slope. I tried to be flexible at first, but soon stumbled into airing my frustrations out on the family. In the middle of spiraling downward, I suddenly caught on to a branch and recognized I needed to change my attitude. I had to stop talking and force myself to think more positively. These upward thoughts were needed to help me speak more kindly and show more patience- all attributes I'm trying to cultivate in my thirty day thrive challenge. Of course the preference next time would be that I would catch myself before I saying anything and not hurt my family with my unkind words. For now, I have to recognize that being a caregiver requires patience and is a process to develop. I jokingly tell my family that I must be enrolled in the remedial patience course because I don't seem to be learning it very quickly! In any rate, my thought for today is that "You can't climb uphill by thinking downhill thoughts." As we ascend to higher paths, we will stumble and fall, but we can catch ourselves, repent, and ask for the Savior's help to continue upward with renewed energy and strength. In the end it will be worth the steep climb. This is a poem I heard today and appreciated the timely message about climbing upward.

In His Steps

"The road is rough, I said Dear Lord,
there are stones that hurt me so.
And he said, Dear child, I understand,
I walked it long ago.

"But there is a cool green path, I said
Let me walk there for a time.
No child, He gently answered me,
The green road does not climb.

"My burden, I said, is far too great,
How can I bear it so?
My child, said he, I remember its weight,
I carried my cross, you know.

"But, I said, I wish there were friends with me
Who would make my way their own.
Ah, yes, he said, Gethsemane
Was hard to face alone.

"And so I climbed the stony path,
Content at last to know
That where my Master had not gone,
I would not need to go.

"And strangely then I found new friends
The burden grew less sore
As I remembered—long ago
He went that way before."

—Leona B. Gates

Let's Thrive! - Day 4 - "What can God make out of you?"

3/14/2015

    Last night Laurent and I had an interesting conversation over dinner about "thriving". We talked about the time about 8 or 10 years ago when Laurent felt like he wasn't really thriving. This was during the stage that he questioned what good he could do on this earth with his brain injury and not being able to work full-time to support his family. It was a time of grieving lost dreams and doubting one's purpose in life. So I asked Laurent if he could climb in a time machine and go back to visit himself back then, what would he tell himself? His answer was, "I would tell myself to be patient and see what God can make out of you."
    His words struck me as wise advice for any of us going through trials. We doubt. We question. We wonder. And we sorrow because we cannot see the end and how things could possibly turn out well. I believe his advice is one key to thriving during adversity. We must have patience - patience with ourselves, patience with family and friends around us, and patience with God whose timing is perfect. If we trust in Him and have faith that He wants us to thrive, we can be led to know what to do so He can make something glorious out of us.
    I am reminded of a quote I heard as a freshman in college from President Ezra Taft Benson,

             “Men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that He can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He can deepen their joys, expand their                     vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, and pour out peace.”

All of those promises sounds like attributes of thriving to me. If we allow Him to mold us and fashion us like a Great Potter or Master Sculptor, we may be surprised to find out what He has in store for us! I guarantee it will be far better than we ever thought. My challenge for us today is to "Be patient, and see what God can make out of you."

Let's Thrive! - Day 3 - "Thrive Be-You-tifully"!

3/13/2015

    Deciding what to do in life is just one of those decisions that can create a great deal of stress for some people. Both our son and daughter are facing those decisions as one is returning from an LDS Mission and one is graduating. Both will be heading off to college in the fall. Each one is following the same process we all did of trying to carefully look at our strengths and passions and determine if we can find a path that will bring us satisfaction and a way to contribute to others around us. When Laurent was in college, he found this decision to be particularly difficult. He loved music and tested the waters a bit, but just didn't feel like that was the right choice for him. Quite frankly he floundered for some time until he stumbled across a career he felt passionate about- mediation.
    You see, before Laurent's accident, one of his strengths and talents was communication.   He was a gifted speaker and people just loved talking with him. It was actually one of the things that drew us together when were dating. We connected right away and could engage in deep discussions rather quickly. When he discovered how mediators use their gift for communication to help people resolve conflict and come up with solutions in their lives, he jumped ahead full steam. In fact, at the time of the accident, he was a senior at the University of Utah majoring in Communication with the plan to continue on to become a mediator. In all of his plans for the future, he fully expected to use his ability to speak as a foundation for his career and family.
    What a cruel irony he experienced when after the accident it became apparent that his gift of speech and communication had been one of the casualties of this event. With his aphasia came months and years of speech therapy as he tried to rebuild his language abilities to communicate with his family. At first we thought it would just take time and then he could go back and finish his degree and become a mediator. As time passed, however, we realized this was not going to be the case.
    At this critical crossroad an important decision had to be made. We could either sit down in the middle of that intersection and cry while looking at the path of "could-have-been" or we could try to decide on a new path and venture down an unknown road. I think in the end we did some of both. We grieved the lost life and the plans we had made and then fortunately wise friends and speech therapists nudged us to look at the possibilities that a different road could bring.
    Laurent and I sat down and took stock of what talents and abilities were still intact after the injuries. One of those gifts and strengths is his gorgeous tenor voice. Those of you who have heard him sing, would agree that he was given a special gift through music. We decided that he would find some way to use music to find fulfillment and help others with that gift. I believe we set several goals at the time. He wanted to continue to sing and perform for people. He wanted to join the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, and he wanted to share his thoughts and feelings through music.
    The first goal was easy. Just a couple of months after the accident and though unable to speak in complete sentences, he sang for community events and church services. He also sang "How Great Thou Art" at his grandfather's funeral and has continued to provide peace and comfort for many families when their loved one passes away through his golden voice.
    The second goal took more than a decade to complete. He tried out for the choir in 2003, (five years after the accident), but did not pass the rigorous theory test. Rather than giving up and deciding that his disabilities prevented him from being in the choir, he went back to school taking one theory and one voice class each semester. (This was definitely not the fast-track to graduation.) Seven years later he tried out once more for the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, and this time passed that difficult test with no disability accommodations and completed the audition process. Tears of joy and gratitude slid down our cheeks the first time we watched Laurent sing with that beautiful choir, knowing the work, determination, and tender mercies that had made that day possible. We can't describe what a tremendous blessing it has been for Laurent to be able to be a part of that incredible organization and have the opportunity to share his feelings each week through music.
    The realization of his second goal has actually now fielded additional opportunities for his third goal of sharing his thoughts and feelings through music. As people with traumatic brain injuries or other challenging situations have heard about his experience, they have asked him to come and sing for them and share his story through music. The benefits have been twofold as they have lifted others around him as well as buoyed Laurent up on those darker days when the burden of living with a brain injury feels exhausting and wearisome. Singing for others reminds him that he contribute to life in so many ways. He may not be able to help others in the way he originally planned, but he can enrich the lives of those he meets through means he had never before conceived. Thriving with a disability means focusing on what one can do rather than what one can't. It's finding joy and satisfaction in reaching out to others and bringing them peace and comfort in their difficult times. I think we can all learn from him, whether we have a visible disability or not. Find your strengths and let them thrive so you can be you and you can be" be-you-tiful"!

Let's Thrive! - Day 2 - "We Were Made to Thrive"

3/12/2015

"It's time for us to more than just survive,
We were made to thrive."
~Casting Crowns "Thrive"

    Some days it feels like all we can do is survive through this day. Perhaps it's the mounds of laundry piling up or the bank accounts and taxes due soon. Perhaps it's finding the strength to take your daughter to another chemo treatment and help her be brave, or perhaps it's fighting through the pain and frustration of a body that no longer works the way it used to. No matter our situation, I think we've all felt those times when we've reached the end of our ropes and all we can do it tie a knot and hang on.
    But all of this has caused me to think about how much better would it be if instead we could "thrive"? To me thriving implies more than surviving- more joy, more purpose, more contribution, more living. I think we've all seen people who have found that special gift to thrive in the middle of the most arduous surroundings. They teach us to savor every bite of delicious carnival food for it might be the last time they get to eat it, or they demonstrate their compassion and concern for us when they are battling the devastating effect of MS. Somehow they are those that comfort us and make us laugh when we should be the ones lifting them. They inspire us with their courage and their optimism even in the face of what we would think impossible.
     I love the song "Thrive" and it's message that God did not put us on this earth merely to survive, but to thrive and reach out and help others. Listen to Mark Hall talk about the inspiration behind the song and see if you're not inspired to dig your roots just a little deeper and reach out to the world just a little more.
    The source of strength for our roots is our Savior, Jesus Christ. Through His grace and love we are given strength beyond our own capacity as mortals. The scriptures are filled with examples that remind us to find strength in the Savior.

“The Lord is my strength and song, and he is become my salvation” (Ex. 15:2).
“God is my strength and power: and he maketh my way perfect” (2 Sam. 22:33).
"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness” (Isa. 41:10).

    Today I am inspired to explore how to dig my roots a little deeper so I can tap into the nourishing power of Jesus Christ. Like this tree growing out of a wall of impenetrable hard rock and steep inclines, I'm determined not to let my circumstances or situations limit my ability to help others. I am resolved to find the source of living water and let it fill my soul and allow me to stand a little taller and reach out a little further.

Let's Thrive! - Day 1

3/11/2015

Broken Together

    Living with a traumatic brain injury in the family certainly adds challenges to life, but then again so do many other circumstances. Recently I found myself caught up in analyzing the difficulties that I realized I was missing the joys and celebrations in our lives. So today I decided to commit to thirty days of thriving- not just surviving but actually thriving with joy and fulfillment. Last year my sister started us on a journey of "100 days of awesome", which turned out to be a fabulous experience as we each reported in how we individually discovered awesomeness that day. This time I thought I would bite off a smaller chunk and concentrate on the next month to see if I can regain some of my optimism in life.
    To do that, I had to start with admitting "I'm broken". I've grown weary of beating myself up over the mistakes I've made and the numerous ways in which I don't measure up to my own expectations. Abby Maslin's "Not-So-Secret Confessions of a Caregiver" definitely helped me recognize that I'm not the only one who sometimes fails at being a good caregiver. But it also gave me the hope to start fresh and move forward from today. Laurent and I found this song "Broken Together" by Casting Crowns on their album entitled "Thrive" that powerfully shares the message of how we can be broken together and with God's help find healing. Psalms 147:3 says "He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds." I know that I can start today and in my brokenness ask Him to help me thrive and grow. Brad Wilcox, in his book The Continuous Atonement says, “Obviously, many people live their lives far from the situations they planned and hoped for when they were children. This gives us all the more reason to turn to the Savior, whose message is not just 'Come unto me,' but 'Come as you are.' He doesn’t say, 'Go get your act together and then come back when you fit the mold.' He says, in essence, 'Let’s start right where you are, and go from there.' ”
    So I'm starting right here.. Day 1 of my focus on exploring what it truly means to thrive. Join me if you wish and together "Let's Thrive!".
~ Kerrie

"I believe that God loves broken things."
~Kenneth Cope